


Cherry

by inamoraata



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cigarettes, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, M/M, Marijuana, Multi, POV Hermione Granger, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:06:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29796480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inamoraata/pseuds/inamoraata
Summary: Hermione Granger has a hard time adjusting back to normal life after the war. After spending the summer in Australia, she enters her 8th year at Hogwarts with an addiction and is unable to fall back into who she was before the war.
Relationships: Harry Potter & Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger & Theodore Nott, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Justin Finch-Fletchley & Ernie Macmillan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

Hermione pulled her black robes embroidered with the Gryffindor House crest on to her body. They felt heavy, weighing her down, as she’d grown accustomed to Muggle-wear from her time in Australia. Sighing, she sat back down on the bench of the train car, watching Ginny, Ron, and Harry as they finished getting ready.

“I didn’t think we would be doing this again. Getting ready for another year at Hogwarts,” Ginny said. After the war interrupted the last year of school, it was decided the 7th years would be welcomed back. Hermione hadn’t been sure she even wanted to return, given the events of the last time she had been there. But she knew she had to. “Dad says they had to magic new rooms in each House’s quarters to make room.”

Ron sat down next to Hermione, throwing his arm across her shoulders. She felt herself stiffen, then forced herself to relax. I like him, she reminded herself. Hermione let them all make small talk as she tried to ignore the heaviness in her head.

Hermione had spent the summer in Australia with her parents, who had had their memories of their only daughter returned. Despite the many invitations to spend it with the Weasley’s, she couldn’t make herself visit. Using her parents as an excuse, saying they didn’t want her to leave them after everything that happened, she avoided her friends save for the letters they shared every other week. Hermione spent her time with the locals her age, from whom she acquired some bad habits.

She decided she didn’t want to bring her habit to Hogwarts. She wasn’t addicted after all, she only smoked for fun. But right about then she regretted her decision, wishing her head was just a bit cloudier to enter this new school year. 

“‘Mione, where are you?” Harry reached out and shook her friend's knee. “We’re discussing the classes for this year. How were the textbooks?” Hermione has always been known for getting ahead in her classes during the summer before. 

“Erm, I didn’t look at them,” She said to them. She hadn’t had the motivation to look at school work. The other three just stared at her.

“You didn’t read the textbooks? Any of them?” Ron asked. “What else did you do, sitting in Australia the whole summer?”

“I didn’t just sit around doing nothing, Ron.” She snapped. She didn’t like being interrogated by her friends like this. 

“Well, what did you do, then? Ever since you came back last week, you haven’t really said much.” Ron pressured. It just irritated her further, and while she knew it wasn’t his fault, she couldn’t help pulling away from him. What could she say? I made some new friends, I think you’d like them. We spent all our time smoking weed at the beach. Maybe next time I’ll invite you.

Instead of answering him, she just said, “I think I’m going to use the loo. Before we arrive.” She stood up, ignoring the glances between Harry and Ginny, and left the car. 

Breathing easier, she headed towards the bathrooms with no real intention of heading there. Maybe she could find a Hufflepuff who had something, most of them usually did. No, she told herself, I don’t need it.

She ended up going to the bathroom anyway, not wanting to return to her friends just yet. As she raised her hand to knock on the door, it opened. A curly-haired brunette Slytherin boy stood in the doorway. She recognized him as Theodore Nott, son of Deatheater Nott who had crawled back to Voldemort the second he returned. Trailing behind him was a younger Ravenclaw girl she didn’t recognize, hands twisted around him. They stopped as they noticed Hermione in front of them. He smirked down at her, running his eyes down her body. 

Ignoring that flutter in her stomach, she simply rolled her eyes and stepped aside letting them pass. Theodore Nott was a friend of Draco Malfoy’s, the boy who had made her life a living hell. Not an understatement as she had been tortured by his aunt on his living room floor. Once they were gone, she stood there for a minute, deciding she didn’t want to step into the bathroom where she didn’t know what they left behind. Giving them a head start, she started making her way back to her cart.

____

Hermione couldn’t sleep. Going into the Great Hall had been too much. Too many memories about all the people who had died there had flooded her mind. And now she was just going to sleep practically right down the hall. 

The dinner itself was familiar and almost comforting. The first years were sorted and it was nice to see new students joining the school. McGonagall was now headmaster, so she started off with a speech, asking everyone to come together, to start congregating with other houses. 

Hermione could sense that Harry had been uncomfortable as well, but he had pushed through it. He had Ginny next to him the whole dinner and they had seemed to really lean on each other. Ron was trying his best to understand Hermione, she could tell. There seemed to be a disconnect, like they no longer knew what the other was thinking. Perhaps it was the time apart and that they would soon fall back into their groove. But Hermione also knew it was that she didn’t even understand herself. Why was she struggling harder than other people? Yes she had been at the center of the war, but so were her friends and they didn’t seem to be suffering as bad. She felt weak.

Huffing, she sat up in bed and shuffled to the edge. She slipped on her shoes and pulled her robes on over her night clothes. Hermione fought down the disgust that she felt at herself as she pushed open her luggage chest and moved her clothes around until she grasped what she was looking for: cigarettes and a lighter. She tip-toed out of the room, trying not to wake up the others. She forced herself to ignore the empty bed where Lavender Brown should have been sleeping, but she couldn’t help the flashes of Fenrir Greyback standing over her, attacking her.

She felt panic rising up in her throat. She hurried down the tower, and practically ran out of the Fat Lady’s portrait. She didn’t stop until she reached the cupboard she was looking for. Hermione yanked it open, made sure no one was in it, and then shut the door behind her. Hands shaking, she pulled a cigarette from the box and placed it between her lips. Her thumb pressed down hard on the lighter, allowing the flame that emerged to graze the end of the cig, lighting it. 

Hermione inhaled slowly, nerves finally calming. She exhaled, letting the smoke encircle her. The burn within her lungs was welcomed. She stood in one of the broom closets that she had learned as a prefect was a spot very popular for late night hook ups. It was small, cozy rather than cramped, and cold. The stone of the floor, ceiling and walls reflected the light that came from the singular window on the wall opposite the door. The moon was bright and full, only making her think of Remus. Inhaling again, she let herself sink to the floor. She started laughing. 

So many people, dead. Everything reminded her of someone who had died. She laughed until tears formed in her eyes, and her laughs turned to sobs. They wracked her body. She hadn’t let herself think about them this summer. She ran away from everyone, she knew that. She was a coward. She couldn’t handle it, so she hid. Now, she was face to face with her grief. 

She fell forward, now on her hands and knees. She forced herself to focus on the harsh stone floor. Her fingers pushed into the grooves and dirt, leaving marks. She imagined the cold as a blue, icy shadow creeping into her fingers and up her arms until it reached her chest.

After a few minutes she finally calmed down. She pulled herself into a sitting position and ran her fingers up her head and through her hair. The cigarette had fallen from her fingers and gone out next to her. She wiped her tears and pulled out another one. She walked up to the window and unlocked it, forcing it open. The chilly night air was comforting. She lit her new cig and inhaled.

After the dinner, everyone had returned to their common rooms. Ginny was right, there was a new room added, one for the boys and one for the girls of the 8th years. Technically, they were still 7th years, joining the class below them. They would all be leaving Hogwarts at the end of the year. 

Everyone had been on edge when they sat around the fire, feeling each other out. The older students, 6th years and up, all hung around each other, uncharacteristically not splitting up by years. It had seemed a silly concept, after everything they had been through. Hermione knew what McGonagall meant by asking the houses to start spending more time together. Eventually conversation had gotten easier and the others had relaxed. It had felt like the earlier years, people smiling and making jokes. 

Hermione had felt like an imposter. She smiled at the right time, said the right things. She sat next to Ron, like they were a perfect couple, the one everyone expected them to be. The reality was that since she returned to the Burrow the week before school started, Ron and her had barely spoken. Before she left for Australia, they decided to be a couple. Hermione thought that that was what she wanted. She had loved him for years, and finally they were together. But with more and more time apart, writing the letters became more work. She loved him, she knew that. But not in the same way she had.

She inhaled one more time from her cigarette and then tossed it out the window. She had hoped she wouldn’t use them at all, but here she was, looking for a fix her first day here. It wasn’t what she wanted but it would have to do. She closed the window and headed back to the Gryffindor Common Room. Once she stepped through the portrait she noticed someone in front of the fireplace. 

“What are you doing up, Harry?” 

He turned, startled. “Same as you, I suppose. Couldn’t sleep.” He turned back to the fire and Hermione sat down next to him. “It’s hard. Being back here.” Hermione cursed herself. How could she be so self absorbed? She had told herself Harry was doing fine, but clearly he wasn’t.

Sighing, she rested her head on his shoulder. “I know.” They sat like that for a few minutes. 

“You know,” Harry started, “It’s okay, if you aren’t who you were. If you’ve changed.” Hermione lifted her head and looked at him. “We’ve been through a lot. You’ve been through a lot. So, if you... can’t be who you were before, that’s okay.” Hermione was surprised, and it must have shown on her face because he chuckled. “I’ve known you for a long time, Hermione, and you’ve been acting differently. Just... make sure Ron knows who you are now. Even if you can’t be with him.”

She opened her mouth to respond, but didn’t know what to say. Instead she just sank her head back down in his shoulder and sighed. “You are too wise for your years, Harry Potter.”

“And you Hermione Granger... reek of cigarettes.” Hermione gasped, while Harry just laughed. “At least offer me one next time, yeah?” 

Hermione joined in, laughing, and she shoved him.


	2. Chapter 2

Hermione woke up too late for breakfast due to only getting about 4 hours of sleep the night before. She hurried to get ready, hoping to meet her friends at the Great Hall so they could at least walk to class together. She had decided to really try with Ron. She owed it to him and to herself after spending years silently in love with him. By the time she reached the great hall, her friends were getting up to leave.

"Hi!" She greeted them. "Ready for Charms?" She sidled up next to Ron and smiled at him.

"Hermione Granger waking up late? Unheard of!" Ron joked as he slung his left arm over her shoulder. Harry met her eyes and gave her a small smile. The three of them headed to the South Tower for their first class, Charms, with the other Gryffindors in the class, Dean Thomas, Neville, and Seamus Finnigan.

Once there, Professor Flitwick greeted them with a new seating chart meant to encourage "inter-House relations" which was met by a chorus of groans of complaint. She was placed with Dean Thomas and Justin Finch-Fletchly, from Hufflepuff. The seating didn't bother her at all, really. They all sat quietly practicing the Cleaning Charm from sixth-year as a refresher. None out of the three of them had gone to school the year before, so they were slightly out of practice in charms.

At the end of class, Professor Flitwick mentioned a project they would have to complete within a month. They had to find a charm that wasn't part of the school's curriculum and perform it to the rest of the class. Hermione was comforted by the fact that this would entail some time spent in the library, her favorite place in Hogwarts. Flitwick also mentioned that it would in fact be a group project based on tablemates. She inwardly groaned at that. Not that she didn't like Dean and Justin, but she hated group projects in general. She preferred to form a project around her own expectations. Leaving the class, they planned to meet later that week in the library to work on it.

Their next class was potions with no break in between. After being away from school for over a year, Hermione found herself split between wanting to learn but also wanting to just sit for a bit. Her brain was not prepared to think this much constantly. Her brain was also craving the relief that her cigarettes last night could not achieve. She was beginning to think it was going to be impossible for her to stay clean. The other Gryffindors parted ways with her, Harry, and Ron, and the three headed down to the dungeons.

"If Slughorn tries to sit me with Draco Malfoy, I might just give up on becoming an Auror." Ron said with disgust in his voice.

"Same," Harry said. Hermione agreed with them. Yes, Draco had not given Harry up to the Death Eaters, but she still remembers his face, watching, as she was tortured with the Cruciatus Curse. He had looked at her with a face of complete misery. Like he had wanted to do something to stop what was happening. He had been too weak to do anything but stand behind his mother like a fucking coward. Hermione hadn't talked about her experience with Harry and Ron, and didn't ever really plan to. She subconsciously grabbed her forearm with the "mudblood" scar etched into it.

Trying to forget that memory, they walked into Slughorn's classroom. Hermione's heart dropped at the sight. All four Slytherin's were distributed on four tables, each accented with a Ravenclaw. Clearly, McGonnagal was going to be enforcing her new philosophy on bonding with other houses. Who would she have to sit with? Blaise Zabini was sitting with Anthony Goldstien, Theo Nott sat with Padma Patil, and Pansy Parkinson sat with Ernie Macmillan. That left Terry Boot, Michael Corner and Draco Malfoy sitting at their own table. Hermione's mouth opened a bit in shock when she saw Malfoy. The last time she had seen him, he had not looked well, but he looked even worse now. His ice grey eyes had sunken in, his robes hung off his body and his platinum blonde hair looked more greyish. Well, at least she didn't have to worry about sitting with him.

"Harry, my boy! Ron and Hemrione, as well, come on in!" Professor Slughorn greeted them warmly. Hermione felt the heat rush to her face as her classmates' eyes traveled to her. "Harry, why don't you sit with Anthony and Blaise? Ron you can join and Theo and Padma, and Hermione you can have a seat next to Ernie and Pansy."

Hermione almost wished she had to sit with Malfoy instead. More than a few times Hermione had been on the opposing side of one of Parkinson's cruel jokes. She tried to keep her face neutral as she walked towards the open chair at the table. She wouldn't be a target this year and let Parkinson's jokes slide. She was done keeping her head down. Fortunately, Parkinson didn't even glance up at Hermione as she walked over or even when she sat down. Hermione noticed the girl tense up a bit and shift her body away from her. Weird.

"Alright, students," started Professor Slughorn, "Due to the unfortunate events of last year, and how many of you were unable to return to class, we will be reviewing the material of the last two years." Hermione cringed at Slughorn's description of the War as "unfortunate events." To be fair, he's never been known for having tact. "Today, we are going to start with amortentia. Now, this is a tougher potion to succeed in making but it will allow me to figure out where everyone stands." Slughorn further explained the potion, reminding them it was the most powerful love potion. Finally, the students were able to actually do it after about fifteen minutes of bloody torture. They all shuffled out of their seats to the tiny supply room with the ingredients. Hermione had been one of the last to enter and everyone had vacated by the time she found her last ingredient.

She made to leave, but turned and ran right into someone's chest. Initial annoyance turned into shock when she stepped back and looked at the person's face. Draco Malfoy. They stared at each other for a few moments. He had an unreadable expression on his face. Something mixed between boredom and misery and anger. Although that tended to usually just be his face.

Hermione could now clearly see the bags under his eyes, illuminating just how drained he was. Soon, it became a question of who would make the first move. She tried ignoring their close proximity and how she had to look up to meet his eyes. But Hermione stood tall and indignant.

Finally, Malfoy just raised his eyebrows and motioned with his eyes towards the shelf behind her where the ingredient he needed was. Hermione gave an annoyed smirk as she rolled her eyes, pushing past him to get to the door. She didn't let it show that her heart was beating almost life-threateningly fast and her mind was going a million meters per second. She kept her face as neutral as possible as she went to sit back down at her table.

Hermione had always excelled at Potions, having successfully produced polyjuice potion in her second year. Trying to procrastinate thinking about what had just happened, Hermione focused her energy on perfecting the potion.

She opened her book and flipped to the page with the instructions. She meticulously followed them, letting the familiar structure consume her. Until she reached the last line, she forgot about who she was sitting with and all her troubles beyond that.

"Ah, Miss Granger!" Professor Slughorn walked over to her table and stood above her. Hermione was pulled out of her bubble and noticed her surroundings. Her tablemates' potions were a disaster. Ernie's was a gross brown color that looked like sludge and Parkinson's almost looked like it was about to pull itself out of the cauldron and walk off. "Congratulations! You and Theo were the only ones to successfully complete the potion!"

Hermione looked back down at her potion as Slughorn assigned homework due next class. Hers was a pale pink color, swirling around the cauldron. She took a whiff, anticipating that familiar smell she had smelt her sixth year. New parchment paper, freshly cut grass and Ron's hair. But she smelled something else entirely. She still smelled the new parchment but it was now met with a hint of the saltiness from the sea. Less powerful and almost covered under that fragrance was the unmistakable smell of weed. If she needed anymore evidence that she had changed this was it.

It had been almost two weeks since she had last smoked but the smell hit her hard. She fucking needed it. Weed wasn't even that addictive but after she had used it almost daily during the summer as a crutch, life felt fucking insufferable without it.

It didn't even hit her until the class ended and they were heading to the Great Hall for lunch that she didn't smell Ron anymore.  
___________

The next few days passed pretty quickly. Each class was more of the same, mixed seating and piles of homework. Each night she found it impossible to fall asleep unless she had smoked a cig first. She’d been getting less and less sleep, and she knew it showed. Looking in the mirror, she saw herself drifting away, with sunken eyes and hollow cheeks. Harry had joined her last night, saying he had been woken up by a nightmare but Hermione suspected he might’ve just been looking out for her. She had also been ignoring her feelings towards Ron, or rather the lack of feelings. She'd been spending most of her time with him. Eating together, walking to class together, doing homework together. The only problem was that nothing was happening. Ron wouldn't even kiss her. The most romantic thing he had done was just hold her hand and put his arm around her.

Now, she was sitting with Ginny and some of the other girls at the Gryffindor table eating dinner. The girls were trying to drag information out of Hermione and Ginny on their relationships with Ron and Harry.

"Have you kissed yet, Hermione?" Sarah asked, who was a year below Ginny.  
"Of course they have! They've been dating for months!" Parvati said. "The real question is: have you slept together?" Parvati whispered.

"Gross!" Ginny shouted. "I don't wanna hear that, he's my brother!" Hermione couldn't help but chuckle. She was also grateful that she didn't have to answer that question.

"Who's your brother?" Ron asked as he walked up to them. Ginny looked at him and then shivered in disgust. Hermione still shook with laughter. "Uh, alright. Hermione are we doing homework in the library tonight?"

"No, I can't. I'm working on the charms project with my Dean and Justin." She replied.

"Oh, okay. I'm still annoyed with the whole house integration thing. Like I'm suddenly supposed to get all fancy on a bunch of Slytherins just because we sit next to each other in class? Bloody stupid if you ask me." Ron shook his head. "I'll just see you in the common room after, yeah?" He squeezed her hand and went back to his friends.

"Oh, they've definitely slept together," Sarah said.

"Shut up!" Ginny said and threw a carrot at Sarah's head while their little section of the table was dying with laughter.

About two hours later she sat with Dean and Justin at one of the tables in the back of the library. They had been pouring over different books from all different sections trying to find a charm that wasn't taught at Hogwarts. The problem was that charms are used in all different classes, Defense Against the Dark Art, Transfiguration, etc. They had to gather all the textbooks from every class and year, and then cross reference them to charms they found in the old books. It was a tedious process that had drained the three of them quite quickly.

Yawning, Dean pushed the book in front of him away and said, "If I have to look at these books any longer, I will fall into a coma brought on by extreme exhaustion and boredom. Can we just, like, reconvene tomorrow night?"

"Yes, please," Justin replied, slamming his books shut. The three of them shuffled all their books together in a spot so they could just pick up where they left off. Justin and Dean were leaving, but Hermione still had some work to do to get caught up. Since she didn't do her reading in the summer, she was more behind than she was used to. Which wasn't behind at all.

"You leaving, Hermione? Do you want us to walk you back to your common room?" Justin asked before they had turned the corner.

She smiled at them. "No, I have to do some more homework first. But thanks for asking." They nodded and left, leaving her in the familiar silence of the library. 

She sighed. She loved this about Hogwarts. Being surrounded by books and all that knowledge. The library practically turned her on, the aesthetic of it. The dim lights, casting an orange hue over the browns and the creams of the shelves, the books and the tables brought her a sense of euphoria. The feeling of isolation within the back rows gave her a sense of privacy she didn’t really feel anywhere else. She shared everything with other people, but this was hers. 

She brought out her Ancient Runes homework and spread it out across the table. She was writing a translation, but was missing a few books necessary to finish it.

Huffing, she stood up and ventured even further back. Rarely anyone needed books this far back, so she was initially just startled with seeing people all the way back here. She had just turned into the row, barely making it past the corner, when she saw two people, a boy and a girl, facing her and sitting closely at a table. They didn't see her though, as the girl's eyes were closed and she had her head leaned back. Hermione's eyes widened at the scene under the table, though, where a hand was underneath the girl's skirt and in her underwear. Hermione's stomach twisted as she realized the hand belonged to Theo Nott. The sleeves of his white collared shirt were rolled up, exposing the muscles in his forearm that were twitching and flexing as he moved his fingers around below the table. His eyes were closed in focus and his dick was very visibly hard.

He opened his eyes and looked right at Hermione. She quickly moved back, hiding behind the corner and pressing up against the shelf. Shit. She hurried back to her own table and quickly stuffed all her homework back into her bag. She could do her homework in the common room. She was just about to leave when a deep, gravelly voice spoke directly behind her, practically right above her shoulder. She jumped and spun around. She had to back up into the table to move away from him, hands on the edge to steady herself.

"Hello, Granger," Theo Nott stood there, looking her up and down. He slowly moved towards her, and she had to lean even farther into the table. "You been looking for me, huh? Did you like what you see?" Hermione looked down long enough to see he was still hard, and she felt blood rush to her face. "Didn't get enough of a look the other day? That's why you look so tired, you've been laying down at night and thinking about me? Hmm?"

"Fuck off, Nott." Hermione tried to say with authority, but it came out barely above a whisper. She was looking directly into his dark brown, almost black eyes. She couldn't describe what she was feeling. She wanted to push him away, but another part wanted him closer. She wanted his hand up her skirt.

He chuckled. "You don't want me to do that, do you Hermione? No, you want me to treat you like you haven't been treated before. You want me to fuck you." His tone was playful but sexy. She ignored the feeling beneath her belly button and pushed him away.

"Get me out of your perverted sexual fantasy, jackass." Hermione said, now managing to speak with more conviction.

Nott laughed in return. "Oh, come on, Hermione. I know Weasley isn't enough for you. Probably can't even make you come." He had walked back up to Hermione.

Hermione took a step forward, suddenly emboldened by the anger rising in defense of Ron. "You know, Nott. Why don't you go suck your Death Eater Daddy's dick?" With each word she stepped up to him, barely a breath away when she finished, practically spitting the last word at him.

His face stood still for a second in shock, giving Hermione time to grab her bag from the table and start to leave.

"Oh, fuck, Hermione!" He howled in laughter. "You're a feisty bitch." Hermione could practically feel his eyes on her and the smirk on his face as she left the aisle and headed out of the library.


	3. Chapter three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Self - Harm

Walking back to the Gryffindor common room, Hermione didn’t know what to make of her encounter with Theo. Before this, they’d never really spoken unless you counted Theo’s background insults as Malfoy had been verbally attacking her for the past seven years. He’d always been there, on the side, but she’d always ignored him, waved him off as one of Malfoy’s lackeys. 

This time, he wasn’t in the background. No, he was right in front of her. She remembered how she could feel his breath on her face as he stood over her. The strength of his arms as they pinned her in. 

She reached the Fat Lady’s portrait, muttered the password and climbed through it. It was late, but Ron, Harry, and Ginny were still sitting on the couch in front of the fire. 

“Hey guys,” She managed to say as she walked up next to them. They all greeted her back. “Uh, Ron, do you maybe want to go for a walk?” Hermione wasn’t really sure what she was doing, but once he agreed, she led him to her hidden closet. 

“Hermione, what are we doing here?” She hadn’t told him about her trouble sleeping or her use of cigarettes. She’d been too ashamed. This place had become a secret of hers but she let him in anyway. She felt like she was giving something up, relinquishing something over to him. 

Instead of answering his question, she brought him in the room and closed the door. She then looked at him, really looked at him. She could do this. Gathering her courage, Hermoine walked up to him and pulled his face down to meet hers. 

Ron got over his surprise and kissed her back. Hungrily, she pushed him backwards into the cool stone wall. His hands traveled up her back as her hands traveled lower until she grabbed the top of his pants. Hermione wanted to touch someone. She wanted someone to touch her. She wanted someone to grab her and control her and touch every inch of her body. She wanted to feel anything and everything and all at the same time.

“‘Mione, what are you doing?” Ron said against her lips. She tried to unbutton his pants but Ron pushed her back. “What are you doing?” He stared at her with a slightly shocked and confused expression.

Fuck. Hermione didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t breathe. She turned away from him and walked over to the window and sat down underneath it. She placed her head in her hands and sighed. She couldn’t do this anymore. Her and Ron weren’t going anywhere. She felt trapped and she hated it. She felt like someone was pinning her in place and holding her down as she tried to escape. And she was physically familiar with this form of torture. She had felt trapped in this way even over the summer. She had wanted to completely let go, sever all connections, and start doing whatever the hell she wanted. But because of Ron, she had held herself back. She didn’t realize how suffocating it had felt until now. 

“Ron, I-” She struggled to say what she knew she had to. “This isn’t working. We aren’t working.” There. She said it.

“What are you talking about, Hermione?” Ron was still standing against the wall, hair disheveled. “What do you mean, ‘we aren’t working’?”

Hermione looked up at him, sorrow in her eyes. She felt like she was cutting a part of herself off. No, she felt like she was cutting away the last string of a rope that had been holding her down. “I- I don’t think I love you anymore. Not… not like I did.” Her voice cracked. 

Ron stared at her. She started counting her breaths, trying to keep the panic from rising inside her. She itched to run away. One, two, three, four. 

“You don’t love me anymore?”

Five, six, seven. She pulled her knees in closer.

“Where the fuck is this coming from? What happened, ‘Mione?” She shrank further back into the harsh stone behind her, falling into the sharp pain of a particular bump that pressed into her skull.

Eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. 

“Say something!” He shouted at her, now moving away from the wall and standing directly above her.

“I don’t- I don’t know, Ron! I just… I just don’t feel the same anymore.” He scoffed. She could feel the distance between them expanding with each second that passed.

“No,” Ron said, backing away from her. “Fuck this.” He stormed out and slammed the door behind him.

Hermione felt that last string snap, letting her go free. She gasped, trying to get oxygen to her lungs but she was failing. She turned to the wall and raised her fist. She punched the wall and she punched the wall and she punched the wall. Blood flowed from her hand and down her arms and over the floor. She could finally catch her breath. 

_____________

The sunlight had woken her up. It wasn’t the pain throbbing from her hand and vibrating up her arm with each pulse of her heart. But that damn sure helped. Hermione took in her surroundings. She had fallen asleep in her stone closet. Right now it felt more like a crypt. There was a splatter of blood where she had punched the stone wall and lines where it had trickled down to the floor and dried. She didn’t dare look at her hand. She tried stretching out her fingers and immediately saw stars. Something was definitely broken. 

Hermione had no idea what time it was. She made her way over to the door and listened to see if anyone was outside. Silence. She creeped the door open and slipped through. She made her way back to the Gryffindor common room. She had left all her stuff in her bag that she’d left by the couch the night before. No one was in there either. She grabbed her bag and shuffled to her shared room. She checked the time. Fuck. It was almost lunch time and she missed her first two classes. 

Well, she might as well not go to any of them today. She took her time in the shower, twitching as the water skimmed the open wounds but still welcomed it. She’d healed only the broken bones, letting the sore muscles and broken skin stay. Let it hurt. She didn’t know what her brain was feeling anymore, but her body felt that pain. She had come back to school hoping to find herself again. But now she felt so incredibly lost. She had no idea who she was anymore and it scared her so deeply. Crashing onto her bed, she fell back asleep.

Hours later, she woke at the sound of her stomach growling. There was still no one in her room, and checking the time she realized dinner was about to start.

She pulled on her clothes and used her wand to control her curls. Good enough, she figured. She was just hungry, she didn’t care how she looked. By the time she reached the Great Hall, dinner had started. She tried to slip in as inconspicuous as possible but she still pulled people’s attention, eyes following her as she found a seat next to Ginny. She tried to ignore Ron who was sitting next to Harry a few meters down the table. Thankfully, Ginny was only sitting with Luna, and Hermione felt safe. The two girls exchanged a glance before looking back at Hermione.

“You skipped class.” Ginny said. Not a question.

“Uh… yes.” Hermione filled her plate, starving. 

Luna gasped, “Your hand, Hermione.” Hermione looked at her hand for the first time. She had to admit it looked disgusting. Blues and purples and reds mixed up from her knuckles. 

She felt someone’s eyes on her. She had no trouble locating their owner. Malfoy was staring at her from the Slytherin table, a troubled and angry expression on his face. He was sitting next to Nott, who noticed his friends gaze and followed it.

Suddenly she had two Slytherin boys inspecting her. Her stomach twisted. She wanted to hide under the table. She wanted to walk right up to them and force herself right in between them. She wanted-

“Hermione,” Ginny waved her hand in front of Hermione’s face.

“Oh, sorry.” Hermione said, focusing her attention back on the food on her plate.

“We, uh-“ Ginny and Luna looked at each other again, “heard about you and Ron.” Hermione stiffened, a potato was left stranded inches from her face.

“You heard about me and Ron?”

Ginny shifted in her seat. “Well I more, uh, saw the aftermath. He came in angry after you guys talked. Then stalked up to his room. Harry pried it out of him.” Ginny waited for Hermione to respond.

Her little escape of the day had ended. She just resumed eating. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.” Ginny and Luna decided it was best not to press the issue which Hermione was grateful for. Suddenly she remembered she was meeting Dean and Justin again tonight and she had the sudden urge to cry. 

She had changed into sweats before heading to the library. Given it was a Friday night, she didn’t expect to see anyone else but her group. She had just gotten her stuff set out on the table when they arrived. Justin took in her outfit and her tired expression and exchanged a look with Dean.

“Uh, Hermione. Let’s skip this tonight, yeah? We were planning on meeting some people after but let’s just go now. Join us.” She contemplated it. Her bed sounded nice though. Before she could open her mouth to politely decline, Justin said, “You’re coming with us. Or we’re working on the project.” She didn’t want to work on the project. She picked up her stuff and followed them out of the library.

She didn’t exactly know what to expect. She barely talked to Justin, and definitely not in a social setting. The only friends of his she knew of were Ernie Macmillan, his boyfriend, and Hannah Abott. She knew Dean a little better but just barely. She hadn’t really talked to him much since he and Ginny broke up. 

She definitely did not expect to be led down to the restriction section, further than where she was used to travelling. The shadows were longer back here. It felt more isolated, like if she screamed no one would be able to hear her. Just as she was about to protest or ask where they were going, they turned into one of the aisles. At the end of the long row of books was a portrait of a young man she didn’t recognize. Justin walked right up to it, Dean trailing behind him. 

“Ah, a new comer?” The portrait said, looking at Hermione. “There have been an awful lot of new people this year, Justin. Be careful.”

Justin just rolled his eyes. “Just let us in, yeah?” The portrait boy raised his eyebrows, waiting. “Right, chocolate truffles. Now, let us in.” The portrait swung open. 

By now, Hermione felt like she was hallucinating. There was a secret room hidden in the restricted section. But it was the secret room itself that made her feel like she was in some sort of dream. And its smell. Oh my god, that smell. She inhaled deeply, and her fingers started to itch in desire.

Justin looked back at Hermione before climbing through. “Look, Hermione. I’m trusting you here. You can’t go snitching to McGonagall on us. Okay?” She nodded. She wanted to be angry about the insinuation,that she’s a snitch, but she had to admit to herself that she seemed like a snitch. Justin nodded back. “Okay, then welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These early chapters are wordy and boring but I'm trying to get past it to the good part. Please hold on! Also, please leave comments, let me know what you think! I'm still in early writing phases so your opinions will only help!


	4. Chapter Four

The two boys stepped through the portrait and Hermione followed, finally getting a good look. The room was large and open, yet cozy at the same time. It had a tall, angular ceiling with arches, and a magnificent chandelier hung from the center, lit with candles that gave off minimal light. There were columns and pillars that provided more ambience than support. Heavily worn in couches and loveseats were spaced in clusters around tables throughout the room. Rugs and tapestries helped to soften the hard stone surfaces. There was a wooden table shoved up against the far wall with different kinds of liquor, muggle and wizard. It was dark, barely lit by a few lanterns in the corners. People were scattered, sitting in different groups all over.

Justin started walking over to a particular group hidden in a corner. Ernie, her tablemate in Potions, was taking a hit from a large bong. He took his mouth off the mouthpiece, leaning his head back and letting the smoke swirl around him. Hermione’s mouth involuntarily watered at the smell. Hannah Abott was sitting with her legs tucked under her in a loveseat. There were a few other people around but none she was familiar with. As she approached, the group took notice of her. A few raised their eyebrows, surprised that she would be seen in this place and that someone would dare bring her here.

“What the hell is this place?” She whispered to Dean and Justin. Her brain was still working through the idea that this room was hidden within the stacks of the library. And that many of her classmates frequented it.

Justin laughed as he took a seat next to Ernie. “It was originally created by muggle-born Hufflepuffs who wanted a space to, you know, do their own thing. Eventually half-bloods were welcome and then people from other houses and it evolved from there.” A guy sitting on the floor passed a joint to Justin, who hit it and then passed it to Dean. 

Hermione took a seat on a couch across from Ernie and Justin. Dean sat down next to her and held out the joint for her to take.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Dean said. She noticed people were watching her, even from other areas. They all wondered if Miss Hermione Granger, top of her class and teacher’s pet, would smoke weed. If only they knew. She hesitated, thinking that if she smoked, even just one hit, she knew she would be sucked in again. 

Fuck it. Hermione reached out and grabbed the joint. She held it to her mouth and inhaled. It tasted amazing and she knew it was quality weed. She coughed slightly as she handed it off to Hannah. Everyone seemed slightly impressed, and she had the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Have you smoked before?” Ernie asked her, curiously.

“Uh, a bit.” She didn’t want to share just how familiar she had gotten with the drug. 

“So what brings one third of the Golden Trio down to The Den?” Ernie teased her.

“‘The Den?’” Hermione questioned. 

“Yeah, The Den. This is The Den.” He motioned to the whole room. “It began as a Hufflepuff hang out, like ages ago, and of course you know about the Hufflepuff badger. Well, badgers live in dens, hence ‘The Den.’” He grinned. “So what brings you here? It’s supposed to be a secret to most people, but we seem to be expanding this year.” Hermione doesn’t miss the glance at Justin.

“Uh, I guess I had a noticeably bad day, and Justin invited me.”

“Bad day. Huh. Bad day have something to do with that hand?” He motioned to Hermione’s hand. 

“Yeah, something like that.” She kept it short to discourage more questions. “Look, I won’t snitch if that’s what you’re so worried about.”

Ernie laughed. “Okay, then.” 

Hermione noticed a group of people in another section. Theo Nott was sitting in a loveseat with the same girl from last night sitting in his lap despite there being an open couch right next to them. Pansy Parkinson was there as well as a few other Slytherins and Ravenclaws. They weren’t smoking, rather they had a bunch of open bottles sitting on the table in front of them.

Hannah noticed Hermione’s gaze. “Yeah, we weren’t the ones to invite them in. But they usually don’t bother us so we don’t make a fuss of it. Plus they bring a supply of alcohol so it works out.”

“Why aren’t they smoking?” She asked curiously.

“Weed used to be popular with wizards but overtime muggles took it over. They’re mostly all purebloods so they aren’t familiar with it. There’s also a lot of purebloods who think smoking is some weird ass form of being a blood traitor. Hufflepuffs have always been the ones known for being stoners.”

“Really?” Hermoine didn’t know that.

Hannah laughed. “There’s a reason why our dorms are right next to the kitchen. Helga Hufflepuff was the biggest stoner of them all.”

Interesting. She glanced back over and saw Nott’s eyes on her. He was going to start thinking Hermione was following him.

“Anyone want the bong? I’ll have to pack the bowl.” Ernie asked the group.

Hermione spoke up. She needed more than a few hits from a small joint to feel something. Her tolerance had lessened over the weeks of not using but it sure as hell wasn’t that low. “Uh, yeah, actually.” Ernie seemed surprised but still sat up. “I can pack it. I mean, If that’s cool with you.” The group's eyes were on her, intrigued. Ernie nodded and handed her the grinder and bag of weed. There was no way he would pass up watching this.

She knew she had people’s attention, but she was as familiar with this as any other homework or lesson she was assigned and she liked it her way. She pushed herself to the edge of the couch. She picked out some nice pieces and placed them in the grinder, twisting it back and forth. She grabbed the bowl and emptied the ashes. 

“Well, damn. Hermione Granger, a stoner.” Hermione didn’t have to look up to know it was Theo Nott’s voice. She felt him behind her, hands on the back of the couch and leaning over her. Her heart raced but she was almost itching with need at this point. He could wait. She took a nice pinch of the grinded weed and placed it in the bowl, tapping down lightly. She reached for her wand as she placed the bowl in the downstem. She placed her mouth on the mouthpiece, holding her lit wand to the side of the bowl. Her hair had fanned down, covering her face. She inhaled slowly but let the smoke build up before she pulled out the bowl and inhaled deeply. She coughed as she exhaled, her lungs not as used to it anymore. She placed the bowl back in and pushed the bong to the center of the table. “I don’t know who wants it next, but it's cherried.”

Hermione looked up for the first time and was met with shocked expressions and wide eyes. “What?” 

“You’ve smoked ‘just a bit’? Hermione Granger that is not just a bit.” Ernie laughed, but seemed impressed with her.

Hermione laughed, now feeling more relaxed. “Yeah, yeah. Now if no one’s gonna rip it…” She leaned out to bring it back to her.

“Not so fast,” Dean laughed and brought it to himself.

Hermione looked around for water bottles and noticed some on the back table. She stood up and walked over to it. She felt more relaxed than she had in a long time and it wasn’t just the familiar feeling of weed seeping into her brain. She didn’t feel like she needed to hide anymore. Even in Australia, where she felt the most free, she was hiding her magic from the muggles. Now she was in a place where she could be both and no one judged her for it. 

“You’re full of surprises, Granger.” Theo had followed over to the table. 

She brought the water to her lips and swallowed before bothering to reply, “Sorry I don’t fit your idea of a filthy mudblood, Nott.” She smiled at him sweetly. She noticed his jaw clench.

He walked up close to her and she remembered how close they had been the night before. “Look, Granger, if I have some idea of you or if I’m thinking of you, it has nothing to do with who your mommy and daddy are.”

Emboldened by the weed in her system, she stepped up closer. “Yeah, and what, exactly, am I doing in your thoughts, Nott?” She licked her lips and smirked at him in the most seductive way she knew how. “Hm? What am I doing in your fantasies?” After he didn’t say anything for a few seconds, as he clearly was thrown off, she walked back to her group and sat back down. She looked up to meet Nott’s eyes and they looked at her with such an intensity she felt like she would catch on fire. She looked away and focused her attention on the bong Hannah handed off to her. 

After she finished her rip, Hannah said to her, “You know, I really hope you stick around here. It’ll be nice to have another girl around all this testosterone.” Hermione smiled back at her.

“Honestly, it’s really nice to finally relax. I feel like I haven’t been breathing ever since I got back.” Hermione felt such a relief being able to speak to someone.

Hannah smiled back. “Great, then you’re definitely coming to the party here tomorrow.”

“A party?”

“Yeah, this is just a regular friday hang out. But the parties, oh my god. It’s been two years so we’re going all out, Hermione. You’ll love it. Think Yule Ball but dirty.” Hannah grabs her arm in excitement.

While she didn’t know what “dirty” would entail, Hermione smiled in spite of herself, suddenly excited for something for the first time in a while. “So a party… Now, what are we supposed to wear to this party?”

_________

Hermione looked in the mirror. This was not the kind of party she had gotten used to where jeans and a tank top were the attire. This wasn’t just on another level, no, this was on another layer of the fucking atmosphere. 

Hannah had come to Hogwarts this year expecting these kinds of parties so she had a few options to lend to Hermione. She had just made Hermione promise to let the two of them go shopping for the next one. Clearly, Hannah had been as much deprived of female friendships as Hermione.

From what Hermione had pried out of Hannah, who had wanted to keep the whole thing a surprise, the parties had the vibe of a speakeasy. It was all underground, secret, and people came in dressed to the nine. 

She almost felt like this could have been some sort of practical joke being pulled on her. In the span of two days she had broken up with Ron, discovered an underground group of alcoholics and stoners, and was now getting ready for what felt like a masquerade ball minus the masks.

Hannah turned around and looked at Hermione. They were in the second floor girls’ bathroom to avoid crossing paths with other people. “Oh my god, Hermione. You are fucking gorgeous.” Hermione was embarrassed by the compliment, something she had never been able to take well. 

“Only because of this dress.” Hermione smoothed the dress down with her hands. Flowing all the way to the floor, it was a pretty sleek black with a draped neckline and slit from the bottom up to her hip to show off her leg. Hermione kept her hair down, leaving her natural curls but controlled in a way that made them elegantly smooth. When picking through Hannah’s dress options, Hermione found herself caught choosing between being modest, hiding herself, like she was used to and showing herself off. She wanted to look nice, not for anyone in particular, but she wanted to look hot and show some skin. But that still scared her, more than she wanted to admit, so she chose something in the middle. 

“Oh, Hermione, I wish I could take credit for this, but no it’s all you.” Hannah wore a gorgeous red dress with lace that hugged her breasts in a seductive way that Hermione did not miss. Her long blonde hair was straightened and fell perfectly down her back. “Also, remember there’s like 3x the amount of guys so they tend to pay close attention to us.” Hermione panicked at that a little bit, but another part of her was excited to be looked at in that way. Clearly, Ron hadn’t.

“You don’t happen to have a joint on you perhaps?” Hermione felt no need to wait.

“Of course I do.” Hannah picked around her purse and then pulled out a joint from a bag Hermione could only assume had been enchanted to contain the smell. She lit it with her wand and held it to her mouth. She exhaled and held it out to Hermione. “Just a heads up, the bathroom has enchantments to not let the smell into the corridor. Just for future reference.” 

“Speaking of which,” Hermione led, “Who would I talk to if I wanted to buy?” She felt self-conscious saying that she needed weed but didn’t really know why. Probably because she was used to it being a hidden thing.

“Justin. He’s muggleborn so he has the connections to muggle dealers. He brings most of the weed in with our money.” Hermione was surprised. How could she not have known that Justin was a drug dealer? “Hermione, can I ask you something?” Hermione nodded. “When did you start smoking? Cause, no offense, but I would never have guessed you smoked all these years.”

Hermione laughed. “No, it’s okay, I didn’t think I would ever smoke until this year. I, uh, started this summer when I spent time in Australia with some muggles.”

“Well, in an extremely selfish way, I am glad.” They passed the joint back and forth once more.

“Can I ask you another question?” Hermione didn’t want to ask and didn’t want Hannah to know of her interest but she was far too curious. “What do you know about Theo Nott?”

Hannah raised her eyebrows and smirked. “Ah, I saw you too yesterday. I didn’t realize it was more than a little conversation.” Hermione tried to protest but Hannah just laughed. “I don’t know much. He’s kind of a loner. I mean, he has friends but he doesn’t hang out in groups a ton. Definitely not as much as the other Slytherins. I know his Mom died and his dad is in Azkaban for being a death eater, but from what I’ve heard he never followed in his father’s footsteps. I even heard he fought against the death eaters in the Battle of Hogwarts.”

Hermione was surprised at that last bit. “He didn’t escape with the other Slytherins?” 

“Not from what I’ve heard.” 

Hermione inhaled the last of the joint and throughout the end.

Hannah threw her arm around Hermione’s shoulders and led her out of the bathroom. “I would totally go for it, Hermione, he is hot as hell. Now, let’s go make a grand fucking entrance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things:
> 
> 1) I don't smoke that much so sorry if I triggered some stoners, feel free to tell me what I messed up  
> 2) Dramione will still happen I swear, it's just more of a slow-burn and I haven't decided if I want Theo in the relationship as well. Feel free to give me your opinions on that, help me decide!  
> 3) I apologize for the end of chapter cliff hangers but the chapters would be so long if I didn't cut it off
> 
> Keep leaving comments and let me know how you feel!


	5. Chapter Five

It was already about ten by the time Hannah and Hermione arrived, as the party had to start later so people wouldn’t notice a bunch of students heading off to the library and vanishing. As Hannah and Hermione got closer, they joined Ernie and Justin who both wore entirely black suits, looking like an impeccable matching set.

Hermione’s anxiety rose as they arrived at the portrait. She was about to show a lot more people a different side of her and she wasn’t sure if she was ready. She also still didn’t know exactly what to expect as Hannah kept details to a minimum. But she felt safe and she trusted Hannah. Despite only spending about 24 hours with the girl, they had grown close in the short period of time. Hermione was also growing very fond of the “fuck it” attitude she had been using more and more.

Justin said the password to the portrait and as it swung open, him and Ernie stepped to the side to let the two girls pass. Hannah held out her arm for Hermione to take, and she did. As they stepped through the portrait, Ernie and Justin followed behind them in a similar fashion. 

Hermione looked over the room in awe. It was an entirely different scene from the one she had seen the night before. The old saggy couches were replaced with new, dark leather couches that had been pushed along the side of the room. The center had been cleared and was already full of her classmates, all dressed up gorgeously, dancing to music that seemed to have no origin. If it was possible, the room was even darker tonight. The rugs and tapestries had been stripped down, leaving a clean, stone surface to add to the underground, dungeon vibe that had taken over the room.

Many people had cups in hand, and smoke was rising up from various spots in the room. Hannah squeezed Hermione's arm. “How about we grab a drink?” She said into Hermione’s ear so she could hear over the music. Hermione nodded in reply and they headed over to the bar, which was now gloriously stalked and set up on a beautiful glass table. 

Hermione wasn’t as familiar with drinking as she was with smoking so she let Hannah fix her up something as she took in the crowd. Where Hermione had just seen a mass of random bodies, she now saw the faces of her many of her classmates. Most of them were Hufflepuffs and those who weren’t were mostly muggleborn or half-bloods. The only exception was the group of Slytherins who took up a portion of the dance floor. Pansy and Blaise danced along next to Theo and his girl. Many younger Slytherins followed around them. Hermione spotted a few Gryiffindors here and there, most note-worthy being a few boys from Ginny and Luna’s year.

Hermione turned back to Hannah and took the drink Hannah held out to her. “Are we dancing?” 

“Yes, please!” Hannah grabbed Hermione’s hand and led her to the dance floor. They pushed past groups of people and headed towards the center. Many people stopped, briefly, and took notice of Hermione, but she tried to ignore them. She brought the drink to her lips and drank. It was harsh on her throat and she very much disliked the feeling but finished it anyway. The crowd quickly swallowed them up, and soon Hermione was flush against those around her. It wasn’t hard to fall into the music, as it seemed to perfectly drown all the chaos out. Everyone was bouncing and moving in a way different from the Yule Ball. People were closer, hands and mouths were places that teachers would have balked at.

Hannah had been right, it was dirtier. The lack of younger years and teachers’ eyes allowed for a very different atmosphere. Hermione and Hannah danced together in a way she couldn’t have imagined doing so with Ginny or Luna. It wasn’t that it was suggesting something sexual between them but it was still more intimate than Hermione was used to. Hermione thought for the first of what it would be like to be sexual with a girl. She felt open to it. Eventually the two of them ventured out, allowing more people in the mix. A group of guys danced with the two of them, twirling them around. Just like Hannah said, there were many more guys than girls. It seemed the guys traveled in packs, ensnaring one or two girls in between them. Hermione didn’t particularly mind and maybe that was the joint or the drink going to her head, but the attention of so many guys on her was addictive. Hermione was lost in the energy that flowed through the crowd, not knowing how much time was passing. She laughed and danced, feeling better than she had in a while.

Hermione caught Hannah’s eye and motioned to the side of the room. She wanted to smoke. They found Justin, Ernie and Dean already set up at a table. Many other couches around the room were being used laterally by couples, accentuating that heightened sexual feel to the room. 

Hermione saw that Ernie had just packed the bowl and she rushed to sit down. He chuckled at her enthusiasm. He took the first rip, Justin the second, and then passed to Hermione.

Hermione reveled in that feeling of smoke filling her lungs and closed her eyes as she slowly exhaled, pushing the boundaries of her lungs. She was hungry for more, wanting to push further. When the bong came back around to her, Hannah cautioned her, “Maybe you should go slow.” 

Hermione wanted to do no such thing but said, “Yeah, probably,” before getting another long rip. Once again she felt the heat of someone’s eyes on her. She expected to see Theo when she looked up but was surprised to see someone much blonder. Draco Malfoy sat on a couch on the opposite side of the room. He leaned against the back of the couch, legs open, wearing a black suit. His face was full of disgust and anger, purely focused on Hermione. She let the smoke leave her body as she met his eyes, glaring back. She was surprised to even see him here, but there he was, some brunette 7th year sitting all up on him. 

Hermione tried to ignore that glare, hit the bong one last time, and asked her new friends if they wanted to go back to dancing. The five of them headed to the floor again, and just as Hermione was falling back into the lull of the crowd she felt a cold hand grab her arm and pull her backwards. She tried to pull away but realized it was the blonde pulling her through the crowd, and her curiosity won over. She followed him to a dark corner where he abruptly stopped and turned towards her. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Hermione took a step back at the harshness in his voice.

“What does it matter to you?” She responded, drugs and alcohol in her system making her angry and defiant. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” 

Malfoy narrowed his eyes at her response, “You’re supposed to be better than this. Now Miss brave, heroic Hermione Granger is a fucking stoner in the back of a party. It’s bloody pathetic,” He spat at her, disgust in his eyes. He reached out and grabbed Hermione’s arm, raising it to inspect the bruises and cuts that were only starting to heal. “This isn’t you, Hermione.”

The use of her first name startled her. “I don’t know what your goddamn problem is, Malfoy,” she stepped up to his face, as she snatched her arm away from his grip. Rage focused her vision and she held out her other arm as she grabbed Malfoy’s hand and guided his fingers over the scars forming the word mudblood on the forearm. He tried to pull away but Hermione held tight. “You have no idea who the fuck I am. Your aunt made sure of that, as I’m certain you remember. I hope you see me lying there on your goddamn living room floor everytime you're having tea with your mother. Leave me the fuck alone.” 

She threw his arm back at him and turned without waiting to see his reaction. She needed to breathe and not be in this now suffocating environment. She stalked towards the exit, pushed through and walked further into the restricted section. Who the fuck did Malfoy think he was, telling her what she shouldn’t be doing like he’s her father? He was arrogant and self-obsessed and -

“Hello, Granger,” Hermione whirled around and saw Nott standing at the entrance to the row she had walked into.

“What the fuck do you want, Nott?” She had very little patience left. 

He held his hands up in mock surrender. “Sorry for sneaking up on you, Granger. But I do believe I have made it exceptionally clear to you what I want.” Hermione narrowed her eyes. He sighed and stepped closer, “I want you, Hermione Granger. You intrigue me.”

Her pulse quickened but she held her head up high, “And why should you have me?”

He smiled as he continued to walk closer to her. “My apologies, love, I thought this could be a mutually beneficial arrangement.”

“Mutually beneficial? What would be my benefits?” He was getting closer to her and she stepped backwards, getting awfully close to the bookcase behind her. She was reminded of a serpent cornering its prey.

“You would get me, Hermione Granger. Whenever and however you want me.” She could back up no further, he had her pressed against the shelf. “I would touch you how you want me to touch you. I would kiss you how you want me to kiss you. I would fuck you like you want me to fuck you.” His words were being whispered into her ears and she felt a wetness between her legs.

“I can’t-” She started.

“Why can’t you, love? Hm?” He pulled back just a bit so he was looking in her eyes. “Because I a slytherin and you a Gryffindor? Hermione, didn’t you hear? We’re supposed to be mixing with the other houses.” He chuckled. Hermione knew it was the drugs in her system but he was making much too sense. And when she didn’t say anything he pushed further. “Granger, I know you are holding on to a lot of stuff. You’re angry. Let me help you let it go. None of it fucking matters. Stop-” He didn’t get to finish his thought because Hermione had grabbed his shirt and pulled him into her lips. 

He didn’t hesitate. He pushed her up against the shelf, hard, and grabbed the back of her neck pulling her face closer into her own. Hermione had her hands in his hair as she kissed him, feverishly, with all that anger that had been hiding under the surface. He didn’t break the kiss as he steered her to the table next to them. He grabbed the back of her thighs and pulled her up onto the table top. He was now standing between her legs, the slit in her dress leaving a great opening for him to slide his hand up the side of her bare leg. 

He grabbed the front of her neck, thumb wrapping up and under her jaw bone to tilt her head up as his mouth left hers and traced downwards. She gasped and took the chance to gulp in fresh air. Her skin was on fire everywhere he touched. His hand on her leg was moving in seductive circles as his hand on her neck was pushing with just enough pressure to arch her back. The heat from his mouth on her neck had her head leaning back in pleasure. His hand moved away from her neck and into her hair, pulling back slightly to allow more access down her neck, leading lower.

She wanted more. She knew she shouldn’t want more, that she couldn’t. This was already too much. It was wrong. She should stop. But she needed more. She had been so confused lately, not knowing what to think or do or even who she was anymore. But she understood this feeling and she wanted to drown in that sense of clarity. She felt so much pressure, she wanted a release.

So she told him. She tugged his head back with the hands that were in his hair. They both caught their breath for a second, panting. He had been leaning down, and now with his head tilted up, Hermione was looking downwards into his eyes. “I want more.” She said to him, and he nodded in understanding.

She wasn’t thinking about anything else as he tugged her towards the edge of the table. She didn’t think about the fact that she was in a public library where a party with many of her classmates was happening not too far away when he knelt down in front of her. 

“You’re so fucking hot, Hermione.” He said to her.

She only focused on him as he pushed her legs apart even further, causing her dress to bunch around her hips. He slid his hands up under her dress on the outer part of her legs until he reached her hips where her panties sat. He tugged on them and Hermione had to lift her hips so he could slide them off. 

She knew she was exposed and vulnerable, but all she felt was alive. He looked up at her as he kissed the inside of her thighs, slowly making his way up. She gasped as he reached the center. He flicked her clit with his tongue, sending shock waves up and down her body. She could feel how wet she was under his touch. She tried to keep quiet as he went further, biting her lip and drawing blood as he picked up the pace. Hermione leaned back, eyes shut in pleasure. She was getting so close, she could feel it.

With one last flick of his tongue, she came undone. She sat back and took a few heavy breaths until she thought she heard a noise behind one of the shelves. She opened her eyes but all she could catch sight of was a flash of blonde hair before it disappeared behind the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, if you enjoy this story please consider telling people about it! Thank you!


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